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Wish Me Luck, I’m Facing My Demons

Funny how my last post was approximately a year ago. I wrote about feeling like myself again.

Little did I know that the following months would be filled with a whirlwind of events. I learned so much and accomplished so much. My LinkedIn has a summary of that, so I’m not going to rehash everything here.

But over the course of 12 months, I began to see a pattern developing. The same problems I thought I had left behind were resurfacing bit by bit. And I knew what was happening — I was attracting the same vibration that I had hope to leave. Like a ghost, it came back to haunt me. That same hard-to-shake feeling of dread.

Don’t get me wrong. The previous environment was worse. This new environment is a tremendous improvement, but there are some traces of the old, negative vibration. I recognise it because it is a shade of the old life I thought I had left behind.

So, I’ve been reading up on how to improve my vibration. Because I believe that even when we feel trapped, we do have a choice to freedom. I can’t control how others act or behave, but I am in full control of how I respond to them. So, I made some notes of how I can stay put where I am and face my demons by “cleansing the air”. This way, I won’t have to “run away” ever again.

I hope you’ll also find this useful. The last paragraph, I feel, is the most powerful of them all.

It’s not easy to be in an environment where many people have strong feelings (about how toxic the environment is). They discuss it around the water cooler every chance they get; there is a lot of conversations going on about the inappropriateness of “them” (i.e the Management, the bad boss etc) as they (the so-called victims try to) justify where they stand.

All of this chains you to a vibration that blocks your access to the (positive) vibration that you want. The only way to overcome it is to relentlessly reach for that better vibration (again, and again, and again). Build your own bridges to that better vibration.

A “toxic environment” is shaped by thousands of “compliant” participants (i.e. those who contribute towards it by harping on the situation, and assuming the “hapless victim” mentality).

Even if you were to jump ship and leave the “toxic environment” for “greener pastures”, you would naturally jump into the same environment because that is the only vibration that you have access to and attract. Unless you stay put and look for reasons to feel good  — create positive vibrations, regain your sense of autonomy and self-direction. Only then could the universe yield to you easily.

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About a week ago, I wrote about rediscovering myself and the things that I used to love. A week since then, I started noticing more things about myself through my new routine.

I find that I am a lot more energised than I have been in a long time.

It is probably because I walk a lot now. I take two trains to get to work; and I rarely sit during these train rides. For lunch, I like going to this food court that requires me to walk about 7 minutes or so because it is so much quieter than the one smack in the middle of the mall.

It could also be due to the fact that I get to do things that I actually enjoy. I read, write and edit for the most part of my job, and that is something that I didn’t quite get to do for about two years.

Whatever it is, it’s doing me a lot of good. I feel like I have a ton of energy. I don’t feel drained – not even from my one hour train ride. The funny thing is, I can go back slightly later and still reach home around the time that I used to.

My previous commute was so comfortable and easy. I can always get a seat in the bus and I can even nap all the way home. Now, I need to jostle with people — and deal with people who cut lines. But I can’t remember the last time I was this “zen”.

It’s still early days, and before long, I could be ranting and bitching about work here. But for now, I am happy and contented with my life.

 

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Feeling like the old me again

I’m sure you have felt it before. You are caught in a nightmare (literal or figurative) and you wish that you would just wake up, so that everything goes back to normal?

That is how I feel right now. In the past few days, I feel as if I have finally woken up from a long, bad dream. And when I woke up, I felt such a huge relief that it was all in the past and that life is back to how it used to be.

I’m reading again, meeting up friends for lunch again, making plans to socialise again and — most magical of all — I’m blogging again. I haven’t had the desire to blog in forever.

I’m most certainly grateful for the opportunity that I have been given. I am definitely thankful for this respite — no matter how long or brief it is.

I love feeling like the old me again.

 

 

 

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Putting Myself First

I was watching a talk by healer and medium Christie Marie Sheldon, who is also author of Love or Above and Unlimited Abundance, on YouTube.

She cited a study during her talk which discovered that an individual who vibrates energy at Level 500 (which is believed to be the energy of Love), can positively change the frequency of 750,000 other people.

What this means, she says, is that anyone has the power to change their environment by simply vibrating or chanelling out positive energy. You can influence the world just by being your happy, optimistic self.

I had recently left my previous workplace of two years. When I told my colleagues that I was leaving, they expressed regret and sadness. Some commented to the effect that they liked having a positive person (referring to me) in the office, and that they would miss having me around.

Naturally, I am flattered to hear such kind words from them — especially since these are people whom I don’t really spend much time with, but have had the privilege of interacting or working with.

But flattered as I was, I knew I had to put myself first and chase after my dream.

Truth be told, I have noticed some subtle, and not-so-subtle changes in my life in the past two years. I don’t want to dwell on those changes here, but it is safe to say that I was not comfortable with who I was becoming.

The decision to move was my equivalent of “putting on my own life-jacket before helping others with theirs”.

I am humbled to know that I was thought of as the spark of positivity. If the findings of the study cited above is true, then I may have positively changed the frequency of the people around me.

But I think it goes without saying that one can only stay positive for so long in an environment that is taxing. The thing about negative energy is that, it can overpower and suck the soul/light out of the positive.

My fear was being sucked into it, and never finding my way out again. That is why I needed to take care of myself first so that I can continue to be the beacon of light and positivity around me.

There are no guarantees that my next adventure will have a happy ending, but it is a risk I am willing to take.

As long as I can continue to be me, I should be good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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The Power of 10 Minutes

Ten minutes doesn’t seem very long. Until you time yourself doing something for 10 minutes.

I got the inspiration from an article, that I can’t remember where I read. It’s also partly inspired by Neen James who says, “people don’t have an hour anymore (these days), but (they) do have 15 minutes. And Neen recommends that people set the timer for 15 minutes and crank up on work.

As it turns out, 15 minutes is too long for me. Here is why: After two days of doing work or chores in 10-minute bursts, I realized that I have what I call “an overestimated sense of time”.

What feels like 10 minutes to me is actually only 5 minutes. That is great news, I guess, because by the time I feel like I have been at something for 10 minutes, it has only been 5. But that also means that I’d be “exhausted” after working for 10 minutes, because it feels like I have been working for 15. My mind would wander off before the timer buzzes.

So I have been timing myself as such lately, and seem to be doing pretty good. I haven’t reached my desired level of productivity, but I have been able to finish tasks and cross them off my list — thanks to this method.

I’ll keep you posted on how it is working out for me after a week. Watch this space!

UPDATE! (Saturday, 2 May 2015)

I haven’t been timing myself of late because I get so overwhelmed by work that I don’t have time to reach for the phone or even go to the online timer. But a Korean YouTube vlogger reminded me of the benefits of timing myself  because she bought a timer to time herself studying — so I am keen to start again. In fact, I just set the timer for 1 hour for my laundry. It should ring any minute now. Three minutes left to be exact. Later!

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Ailee’s teary speech at the 2013 Melon Music Awards

This time last year, Ailee was on top of the world. She had just made her foray into the Korean music scene and became a runaway success. She won so many Rookie of the Year awards. Everybody loved her.

But success comes with a heavy price. Singers like Ailee make as many haters as they do fans. As the saying goes, it is the people whom you care (or used to care) about that can hurt you the most.

Ailee’s success did not sit too well with her former boyfriend to the point that he wanted to see her fall. He released a number of nude photos of Ailee taken when she was a young, impressionable teen which were then picked up by a popular yet unscrupulous Korean entertainment website. The pictures went viral and threatened to ruin Ailee’s career forever.

It worried me that that the Korean society would not be so understanding and kind to Ailee, even though the incriminating pictures were something she did in the past. I’m glad this video proved me wrong.

The video shows the crowd cheering for her as she went on stage to accept her award. Of course that moved her to tears. Last year, the bubbly girl shed tears of happiness as she received her award and shared the stage with BAP. This year, she shed tears of regret, as if something had been taken away from her.

Fans noticed that Ailee hardly smiled and had sad eyes. Her ex-boyfriend robbed her of her spirit and I hate him for that.

I hope Ailee will be able to find her strength and her smile again. She’s a fighter this girl. The fact that she even showed up at the awards show — and performed the way she did — this year just days after her pictures went viral shows that she will bounce back stronger than ever.

I consider Ailee a good role model to young people. After all, she is the Korean girl from New Jersey who used to sing in her bedroom and post videos of it on the YouTube one minute and became a Kpop sensation the next. I hope, when she is ready, she will speak to her young followers, especially girls, about the importance of not being pressured to do things to feel accepted, pretty etc.

If it can happen to a seemingly strong and grounded girl like Ailee, it can happen to anyone.

I wish you all the best Ailee! Hwaiting!!

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RT @gilsmithii:…

RT @gilsmithii: Pretty much!! Crowd was the loudest by far!! RT @BrIIghtRed5: Malaysia ROCKS!! 8 hours ago

The Twitter conversation above is between the band members that accompanies G-Dragon in his solo world tour.

Frankly, I am surprised to hear from Gil that the Malaysian crowd ” was the loudest by far!!”. Like, seriously?

Excuse my scepticism, but in my knowledge, Malaysians are not known to be craziest of fans at concerts. We’re Asians so we’re pretty much a contained bunch.

There were moments during the concert where the fans just stood silently watching the montage on stage. But when they heard a song that they love, they would scream, shout, cheer, jump, sing along etc. I know because I did it.

Granted, we were particularly noisy when songs like Crayon and Fantastic Baby came on. But I didn’t think we would be the “loudest by far!!”.

But I’m glad Gil acknowledged that. He would know because he had played at all of the venues so far. I don’t think he has any reason to exaggerate or to butter up the Malaysian audience. I trust that he meant what he wrote. And I am thankful for that.