Posted in me

It Feels Good to Be Me

A few days ago, I got my bonus. My performance review for 2017 was lower than the year before, so I expected to get a lower bonus payout this year. Still, that did not prepare me adequately for the moment that I checked my bank account.

Perhaps it is because I had banked on this bonus to fund my belated birthday and anniversary celebration trip to Tokyo with my husband in May. So, when the statement showed a figure lesser than what I received last year, my heart sank.

For a while, I was mad at myself for being ungrateful. Why was I upset when there was still a substantial amount in my bank account? Truth be told, it is a 5-figure amount. It is more than my monthly pay, for sure. Yet, I was upset that it was lesser than before.

Thankfully, I snapped myself out of self-pity mode and focused on what I have. I am grateful that I have a job that even affords me a performance bonus. Some people do not have this benefit; some people do not even have a job. I know deep in my heart that this is my rezeki (allocation). Yes, my superiors decided that I deserved that much, but really it is Allah who made it possible. Whatever amount that I received is what I deserve and what Allah has determined for me.

I would rather receive this amount plus an endless source of rezeki in the form of money, opportunities, free time, ease, comfort, being surrounded by compassionate people who genuinely care about me and all the good stuff than to be blessed with, say, eight month’s bonus which is followed by a series of unfortunate events.

I have faith in Allah that for as long as I remain true to my myself, a loyal servant to Allah, kind, compassionate, loving, understanding, supportive, magnanimous, etc, I will continue to be blessed and protected by Allah.

This realisation really cheered me up. I feel so much better now. I am genuinely happy. I believe I am in a good place right now. I am grateful and contented. Tomorrow is another day and opportunity to try again and keep on pursuing my destiny.

I have my flight tickets and accommodation paid. I am just waiting for my EXO-CBX ticket to materialise. I am confident that there is a good seat at Yokohama Arena waiting for me, with my name on it. I am confident about the future because I know Allah will always provide for me and my family for as long as we remain faithful in our worship.

It really feels good to be me right now 🙂





Suziemclean is a Piscean who can't swim. She is 40 and married to a wonderful (younger) man who makes her laugh, and finds her corny sense of humour "endearing". She lives with her husband, family and cat in Shah Alam.

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