Posted in me

Face your fear

Warning: What you’re about to read can be a little graphic for those with weak stomachs.

I’m officially addicted to Youtube. These days, I log on to Youtube more times than I do Facebook. I have FB as my homepage right now. It’s only a matter of time before I make Youtube my new homepage 😛

Anyway, I’ve been watching lots of videos on how to curl my hair. I’ve also been checking out makeup tutorials and parodies. I have to confess, I have been reading comments on the pages of gross videos involving fetishes with excrement, vomit and err.. diarrhea.

I think I’ve blogged about this before and I’m going to state it again: I have emetophobia and as someone with IBS, I have a fear of soiling myself in public too. There, I said it.

Having said all this, I know it’s strange for me to even be curious with videos involving people being sick and soiling themselves.

But what’s even strange, I think, is the amount of videos of people being sick and having stomach upsets available on Youtube!

I’m convinced that we live in a strange world where people actually video themselves or their “loved ones” doing the most revolting/dignity-robbing acts.

I have to make it clear that I only search for such videos but I don’t watch them. I just read the comments because I’m curious like that. To me, this as a healthy, baby step towards coming to terms with my phobia.

I’m not a control freak but my phobia seems to suggest that I have a fear of losing control: firstly of my bodily functions and secondly, maybe my life or sanity. That’s why I think having Alzheimer’s is worse than having cancer.

Back to revolting videos, I really don’t understand why people actually video themselves or others having stomach upsets, for instance. I don’t see why they even want to video themselves talking about having food poisoning the night before. When I searched for morning sickness videos, I got videos of pregnant SIMs characters with their heads over a toilet bowl. I mean, silly isn’t it? It’s all too weird for me!

But I guess I have to thank the youtubers for helping me come to terms with my fear and for making me feel that I actually have nothing to fear. Like, you soiled your pants? You had to puke because you had bad sushi? Big deal! Get over it!

Apparently, competitive marathon runners are quite blasé about passing motion in public. A 19-year-old runner actually passed motion while running just so that he could finish on the 21st spot. Here’s the proof (only click on the link if you’re absolutely certain you won’t be scarred for life after viewing it). Some of the people who commented on the video said that they wouldn’t risk the embarrassment. They’d rather finish last than crap themselves 😛

Runner Paula Radcliffe, actually stopped by the roadside while running, pulled down her pants and did a number 2 because she had stomach cramps and knew she’d feel better once she had ‘gone’. The whole thing was caught on camera. Initially everyone thought that she had done a No 1. But she confirmed in an article that she had indeed done a No 2. She just shrugged it off as a “necessary embarrassment”. But the important thing is she finished No 1 (hehehe, pun intended).

If anything, reading about these mortifying tales make me realise that when you have to go, you have to go. AND it’s completely natural to have to go.

I’m not at all suggesting that the fear is imagined. Emetophobia is the sixth most common fear, so it’s very real, ladies and gentlemen. I have this fear of being vomited on. When I see people bent over, I think they’re about to heave and hurl. It’s weird, I know, but my imagination runs wild sometimes. One woman who has emetophobia refused to leave home. When she did, she carried around a bucket with her (this was when her phobia was at its height). I haven’t gone to that extent. I just carry a plastic bag – just in case 😛

But you know what? I have proven to myself again and again that I’m actually not prone to (motion) sickness. I don’t get car sick or air sick (I just hate air pockets and turbulence). During an excruciatingly painful island hopping experience in Sabah which in total took about 3 hours on a small speed boat, I wasn’t sick at all. I was so very tense and praying all the time while I was on the boat but I was never sick – which is really amazing!

So, I don’t know why I have this phobia. I probably just hate the sensation and smell. But funnily enough, when I was sick two years back after eating bad mee hoon soup, I actually willed myself to throw up so that I’ll get over it. And guess what? It survived the ordeal. It wasn’t that bad. Sure, my stomach hurt and I still hate the thought of being sick but I survived.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that you don’t have to let fear control you. Take control of your fear. If you hate flying, face it. Watch a movie about a plane crash and then take a plane ride and be amazed and thankful that you landed safely. If your plane crashed and you didn’t survive, consider it God’s plans for you to leave this world 😛

I still hate the retching sound but the next time I hear it, especially when it’s coming from me, I think I’ll be okay. I think… 🙂



Suziemclean is a Piscean who can't swim. She is 40 and married to a wonderful (younger) man who makes her laugh, and finds her corny sense of humour "endearing". She lives with her husband, family and cat in Shah Alam.

One thought on “Face your fear

  1. this is soooo weird. i was just at youtube like a few minutes ago watching tht judy girl curling her hair, and yes, i’ve been watching tutorials on hair-curling for the past few days, and i dont even own a flat iron! damn, these vids are just so addictive!

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