How to be less angry and bitter

Before I begin my raya post, I just want to give my 2 cent’s worth on how negative people can be.

I woke up this morning reading two “positive” stories. The first was about a female reporter with LATimes who maintains a blog called the homicide blog. The blog essentially records all the homicide cases happening in LA. It is about giving a face to the names of the victims and letting people know that they were human beings and that they mattered to their families.

The blog entries are rarely long – about 200 words to describe the victim, what they died of and how their family members described them like “hard-working father” etc.

The other article was on Paris’ upcoming trip to Rwanda for a children’s charity called Playing For Good.

The two articles elicited lots of responses but sadly most of them were negative.For the homicide blog, people said that the so-called victims deserved to die because they were gang members. As for Paris’s article, people seriously doubted she would last even a day there – her trip is for 5 days – and how fake the whole thing was. I am thinking, why are we so bothered about whether she can last five days or not? Just like how people have described our first astronaut as only a “flight participant”. Why the negativity?

Sure, you are entitled to your own opinion but you have to be responsible for it too. There’s constructive criticism and there’s criticism for criticism’s sake. What bothers me is that there are more of the latter than the former type of comments. The problem with people is that we tend to judge others even before they begin doing whatever they had set out to do.

We relish the moment someone falls flat on their faces so we can say, “hah! I told you so!”. Well, even if they fail, what gives us the right to say “I told you so”? Wouldn’t it be better to say, “better luck next time”?

It seems easier – and strangely cooler – to be cynical than to be optimistic. Wrong! Negativity saps not only your energy but also that of those listening to your venomous thoughts. Since when did being a “meanie” make someone cool or deserving of respect?

Would it hurt to read/listen to something and think “well, good for her!” and end the sentence there before the negativity creeps in? I don’t think it would hurt one bit. Try it. You’ll be a less angry and bitter person for it.

About these ads

11 thoughts on “How to be less angry and bitter

  1. salam lebaran suzie,

    i know some negative-attitude people like this, they became my ex-friends at the snaps of my fingers.
    Nothing beneficial comes from these type of people.
    Chuck them and forget them…move on and find the positive part of other people.

  2. I’m always angry at little things that happen in my life. I take it out on people around me and I tend to destroy relationships I develop. I wish I could just be nice but it seems like every thing that happens annoys me. I don’t know how to stops

  3. Being resentful & angry is an understatement for me…..All my life (35yrs) I have been the victim of other people’s mistreatment and abuse…..it is very easy for me to hate, distrust, disbelieve people. Because of all the hurt that people have inflicted on me throughout the years since I was 3yrs old ,it has infected the very core of my being and has ruined my life in all areas both professionally and personally

  4. umm, yah, Im not too sure about about my negativity, it seems as if i never really knew it was there. I took a few psychological tests that serve the purpose of determining whether a person is optimistic or pessimistic, and all the ones i took said i was a pessimist. I also asked my friends and my family close to me to tell me what they think i should improve about myself and every single one said it had serious anger management issues! i honestly don’t know how to get rid of something i never even knew i had! please help me.

  5. If the people that died were gang members, and dedicated their short lives to crime, and more than likely ended a few lives prematurely, themselves, why should they get the benefit of someone writing some revisionist history BS about what a great person they were? Answer: They shouldn’t. As for Paris, if she was making the trip in an effort to really change herself for the better, that’s great. If she was doing it in an attempt to rehabilitate her awful public image, and didn’t actually care at all about the Rwandan children, that is horrible. Given her past actions, probability of the former = 5%. Probability of the latter? 95%.

  6. Well this article was rather lacking in subtlety. Do you not ever think about why people might be feeling like that? It’s horrible to feel angry and bitter; people don’t choose that. People are normally bitter because they’ve been hurt, or angry because they’re upset, stressed, or ashamed. This was a really judgmental article itself which will only make those people feel worse. In response to your article I’ll just say that it’s very easy to say people should just be less negative, but harder to think about the reasons people might be negative or to show some compassion towards them, rather than calling them all energy-sapping complainers who need to be ‘chucked’ out of people’s lives. People who are angry need support, not rejection.

    • Thanks for your interest in the article, Isa. Sorry this reply took so long. I have not been actively blogging since 2011 and am just getting back on the bandwagon.

      I’m sorry you felt that my blog post was judgemental. I understand where you are coming from and I respect your views. But I believe that everyone has a choice whether to stay angry and bitter or to pull themselves out of the black hole and create their own happiness.

      I learned this from watching Oprah’s interview with Jacqui Saburido who suffered major burns on her face and had to undergo multiple surgeries due to an accident caused by a drunk driver. Here’s the link: http://youtu.be/hecfPhLdX6M

      She has every reason to be angry and bitter because the accident had robbed her of her good looks and confidence. But she told herself that she will cry for only 5 minutes every time she feels sorry for herself. After that, she had to pull herself together and move on.

      I can’t even begin to understand why some people are angry and bitter in the first place. I imagine that they are projecting their own problems on to others. But there is always a choice – to remain angry and bitter or to move on. I don’t think I ever suggested that we chuck out all the “energy sappers” from our lives in the article. I do believe that they need support. And the best person to help them find their happiness again is actually themselves.

  7. I caught myself years ago picking on people/putting people down to “fit in” with others. I finally started to realize what I was doing and promised myself to either make fun of myself if I was going to do that and only say things about other people that I would say right to them…as if they were standing right there. As this progressed I started telling myself to only say positive things and focus there. It can still be tricky but the more you become aware of it the easier it gets. Check out my 28 Days of Thanks kit, you write one thank you note a day for 28 days and it teaches you to see the good in your life. 28 days is all it takes! :) http://www.underthecherryblossoms.com/servlet/the-1026/28-Days-of-Thanks/Detail

  8. Pingback: How to be less angry and bitter (part two) | The truth and nothing but the truth

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s